Once upon a time, there was this baby. He was no ordinary baby. Most babies his age would babble and crawl around; maybe walk a little. But this baby was different. From a very early age, this baby could dance. And could he dance! He could do the cha-cha, the mambo, samba... you play the music, and this baby could dance to it. He was such a good dancer that his father recorded him, digitized the image and put it on the Internet for all to see. Soon this baby was dancing everywhere. The news spread all over the Internet about the incredible dancing baby!
Well, it wasn't long before the Internet Dancing Baby caught the attention of the entertainment industry, and made the transition from the computer screen to the TV screen. He made recurring appearances on Ally McBeal, and even appeared on Millennium as a body double for the Dancing Devil (who could never really dance, or act or sing for that matter, but as any member of the Christian Coalition will tell you, the Devil has every producer in Hollywood in his back pocket). It was rumored that he was even on the verge of an eight figure movie deal. Yes, the baby had hit the big time.
But, sadly, like so many child stars before him, who saw success, fame and fortune at such an early age, fame went to our baby's head. He got in with the wrong crowd of Hollywood parasites who showed him the seedy side of life, and soon descended deeper and deeper down a spiral of sex, alcohol, drugs, and worst of all, tobacco. Yes, my web-surfing friends, the dancing baby hit the skids. Soon, he lost all of his lucrative gigs in the entertainment industry, and drank and smoked away the residuals from his earlier work.
Fortunately, our baby still had a number of good, wholesome friends back home, whom he never forgot, and who never forgot him. Early one Sunday morning, after a particularly rowdy night of carousing, the baby arrived at home, and found all of his friends waiting for him. They had been waiting to perform an intervention.
Well, our friend the baby saw the error of his ways, and he enrolled in Dr. Samba's new twelve-step program for alcoholic drugged-out smoking dancing babies (a spinoff of the highly successful program for ballroom dance junkies). The baby decided to turn his life around. Although his Hollywood jobs had dried up, he still had his great dancing talent, and he was determined that if he worked hard, with the right agent he could hit the big time once more. Still, there was a long road back, and for a while he had to support himself as a street dancer. Sadly, ironically, it was during this time, that the final tragedy struck.
Rest in peace, Dancing Baby. We hardly knew ye.
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